I want to leave social media, but all my friends live there.
Social Media has fucked up my life, I’m certain of it. Everyone knows how terrible it is - it shows you the events you weren’t invited to, the life you don’t have enough money to live and it can cause someone to not like you. It feels insane that this virtual world can have an affect on the real world but it does.I’m sure everyone catches themselves at one point or another, wondering if life would be simply better if they threw their smartphone into a river and ran through fields of flowers, touching grass. But I’m sure, for me, once the hay fever and boredom set in, I would be diving deep into those murky waters to get my phone into a bed of rice asap.
How do people without social media do it? And why does it feel like leaving social media is like deciding to live on Mars?
Somehow over the last twenty-five years of social media existing online, it has burrowed itself into our lives like a parasite. Now I want to get rid of that parasite but I don’t really remember if I’ll be able to live without it. It’s a strange reality, to have had a Facebook account longer than you haven’t but as a twenty-eight year old who signed up to Facebook at twelve, this is my reality. Deleting my Facebook and Instagram accounts means tearing down the mausoleum of my past selves. It feels sacrilegious. If I delete these platforms, I fear I might have too much to lose. Not only would I lose connections that I may never re-connect with, but all the photos and memories of my youth will disappear with it. Something that generations of humankind have been able to bear but somehow I’m unable to. I am a nostalgic person, raised by a hoarder - it took Zac three months of convincing me that I didn’t need to keep the box that our vacuum cleaner came in. Am I ready to sever myself from my second life? The one where I lived online? Why is it so hard to when I remember the moments I spent online are so horrible. I remember twenty-six year old men attempting to groom me at 15. I remember trying to get “Like for a Like” and someone saying that “Uhmmm, you’re so crazy!” and knowing that was the nicest thing they could think say about me. I remember the millions of times my tone has not come across well via messenger and has ended in a weird argument. The times I noticed that I was removed from a close friends instagram list. None of these are good memories, and I would not miss the platform that held this hurt. But the photos - the pictures of my real life, offline, immortalised online… that, I cannot get rid of. The thought of downloading all my photos from instagram, equally sounds insane… when am I going to have time or smart phone storage to keep these on my phone and ponder when I miss the good times? No one watches the digital photo frames you buy them!
There is another complication here also, I am an aspiring entertainer - or at least someone who wants to be in the entertainment industry and I don’t know if there are any legitimate pathways left for me to march onward with my career without having a social media presence. It feels like if I were to sever the ties between Facebook, Instagram and Linkedin, I would have barely any network left to help get me opportunities. I know that leaving these massive corporations who have turned my habits into data ,which has turned my data into money, can only be a good thing for my mental health. But what does that mean for my career? Posting on Instagram that I need work is how I’ve gotten at LEAST $5,000 directly from followers wanting my services - be it website or graphic design, writing work or acting roles. The number is probably larger indirectly (people seeing me perform, buying tickets to my shows etc.) I don’t think the answer lies with deleting the apps off my phone either. If I’m going to keep social media, I’m going to use it to get the most out of it - post all the time, talk to friends as much as possible and advertise as much as I can. It’s the only way I can justify helping the billionaire tech companies leeching off my personality and very essence.
I feel myself face with two options: Either I quit, and become a hermit, content with the fact that people who care about me will make an effort to reach out, however possible. Or I stay and continue pushing that rock up the hill hoping that I’ll push it to the top and find financial security or something…
Every day the latter seems more baffling.
The hermit option seems the most appealing, but just two years ago I decided to leave all the security and friendships that I had formed in Sydney over last two decades and start fresh in Melbourne. I have severe social anxiety now, and I am mortified that no one will reach out once I take myself out of the algorithm. However, I must imagine I would be happier - living one life rather than two - being able to take friendships based on interactions you have experienced in person. There wouldn’t be a version of yourself people could experience when you’re not there. I’m not sure what the way forward is. If Meta buys TikTok I think I’ll delete all socials but until then, I’ll contemplate the life of the hermit, whilst pushing that boulder up that hill.
